


Spice Files: A Mary Sue Mulder Adventure, The

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bad Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-06-30
Updated: 1998-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 06:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11330754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Spice Files: A Mary Sue Mulder Adventure, The

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

The Spice Files: A Mary Sue Mulder Adventure by Jessye B. Nugent

The Spice Files:  
A Mary Sue Mulder Adventure  
by Jessye B. Nugent

This is a sequel to "Like a Prayer".  
For Spice Boy

* * *

"'Cause tonight is the night when two become one  
I need some love like I never needed love before  
(wanna make love to ya baby)  
I had a little love, now I'm back for more  
(wanna make love to ya baby)  
Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be"

It was the night before Valentine's Day, and Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully ironically thought that this was very ironic. She pondered the five years that had passed since we left her (except that she didn't know anyone was reading about her of course),and then she leaned over to adjust the volume on the car radio. At this very moment she thought, as she often did, how much her life was like a Spice Girls song.

"Oh Mary Sue," she whispered to her constant canine companion Mary Sue (a Beagle), who sat alertly wearing a special doggie seat belt. "Can it be that it has been five years since I last saw my beloved Fox William Mulder? Five years since he jumped off the train and landed in a waterfall? Five years since we sort of got married but not really?"

Mary Sue didn't say anything. But Mary Sue was a dog so Scully would of been pretty surprised if she had said anything. It was a retoreical question. Scully sighed again and kept driving with her hands on the whell at ten and two just like she had learned in driver's ed class so many years before. She was driving, driving long into the distance that stretched before her like an unwound Slinky. She had finally gotten a clue. About Mulder's whereabouts. And so she was driving off to the South, land of romantic belles and handsome men, hoping to find her own Red Butler, that is to say Fox WIlliam Mulder. And Krychek, but not because she wanted to kiss him or anything.

******************************************************************

"I didn't want to hear it then but  
I'm not ashamed to say it now,  
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,  
I had a lot of time to think about,  
about the way I used to be,  
Never had a sense of my responsibility."

Far away, Mulder sat alone in his hotel room, eating Chinese food and wearing jeans and a white shirt. He was singing along with the radio. (He had the radio on.) Sadness welled up in him and threatened to burst over the Hoover Dam of his iron will.

"Oh Scully," he said, softly. "I really HAVE had time to think about you. How I wish I had told you that I loved you before I had to jump off the train and into a waterfall." Like Scully (even though he didn't know it!) he thought his life was like a song by the Spice Girls. He figured that's why he liked Ginger Spice so much, because she looked exactly like Scully.

If only he could catch Krychek. He had spent the last five years doing all kinds of stuff, really dangerous mostly, trying to track down that wiley coyote. "Maybe tomorrow," he said. To nobody in particular.

**********************************************************

"Last time that we had this conversation  
I decided we should be friends  
Yeah,  
but now we're going round in circles,  
tell me will this deja vu never end? Oh  
Now you tell me that you've fallen in love,  
well I never ever thought that would be  
This time you gotta take it easy  
throwing far too much emotions at me"

It was the next day. Scully turned off the car radio, opened the car door and got out of the car. Then she let Mary Sue out of the car. They were in a rest area and she was looking around for the dog run. Just then, Mary Sue began to growl and strane at the leash.

"Mary Sue! Now, Mary Sue!" said Scully loudly. "Bad dog!" But because Mary Sue was never a bad dog, Scully stopped. And said, "Mr. Skinner!"

(Because it was Mr. Walter Skinner, her boss.)

"Agent Scully!" He said. " There you are."

"Yes here I am!" she said cheerfully. Seeing Mr. Skinner always made her feel good, because he was so nice. She thought he was the perfect boss. But she still didn't know what he was doing.

Mr. Skinner looked nervous, almost like he was going to puke or soemthing. So Scully said "Mr. SKinner, are you alright? Maybe we should sit down over there at the picnic tables by the porta-potties, if the mosquitoes aren't too bad." So they did.

"Agent Scully," said Mr. SKinner. "Would you like an M&M?"

"Yes, thank you," she replied politely. Scully chewed on the M& M as Mary Sue sat nearby and kept a watchful eye on Mr. Skinner.

"I have something to tell you, Agent Scully." Mr Skinner said sadly. He really looked sick now and Scully wondered if that M&M had been a bad idea.

"What is it?" Sculyl said questioningly.

"It is Agent Mulder. Agent Scully, I think Agent Mulder is dead. I'm almost 95% sure," he told her.

"Oh no!" Agent Scully said. " He's not dead. He's just in Georgia."

Mr. Skinner looked sadder than ever, like someone had just killed his pet weasel, Fred. "AGent Scully, I know this is hard for you. But you haev to face the facts. Agent Mulder is dead and I love you."

"You love me?" said Agent Scully. And "Mulder is not dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes, I love you, Agent Scully. But I know that you have always loved Agent Mulder. I know that I'm bald and kind of old, but do you think you could ever love me back and maybe we could get married? That would make me happy," Skinner said quickly.

"Mr. Skinner, you are so sweet. But I love Agent Mulder. And I know he is alive. And I am going to find him now. But you are the nicest boss I have ever had. And you're really cute. So cheer up!" Scully said nicely. She patted him on the shoulder. "Well, OK, AGent Scully, even if you don;t love me, you know I would do anythign for you, and I will help you find Agent Mulder. Can I have a hug?" said SKinner.

"Sure!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Scully. And she hugged him but it was just like friends.

********************************************************

"Yellow man in timbuktu,  
Can't afford both me and you,  
Kung foo fighting, dancing queen,  
Tribal Spaceman and all thats in between."

Agent Mulder tapped his foot to the rithym of the music as he sat on his car eating Chinese food and waiting for Krychek to show his sinister but handsome face. It made it kind of hard for him to listen for things, but he didn't mind.

Just then Kyrcheck appeared!!!!!

(It was outside a big building. Somewhere in ATlanta, Georgia.)

Krychek walked out the door and Mulder pulled his sunglasses down onto his face.

"Hey!" snarled Krychek. "Why did you just pull my sunglasses down into my face."

"Because I'm tired of you!" snarled Mulder. He had of course gotten off of the car by now. He pulled his own sunglasses up off of his face.

"Mulder!" snarled Krychek. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Don't be so witty, Kyrchek!" snarled Mulder. "You are going to jail!!!!!!" And he pulled out his gun! From his pants!

"I don't think so!" snarled Krychek. "Evrybody thinks you are DEAD! I called the FBI and told them so! Ha! Ha-hah! Give it up Mulder! For soon you WILL be dead! Because I am going to kill you Mulder! Ha!!!! You're going to dance to MY tune now, Mulder! And it isn't a very good song!!!!"

Mulder was going to shoot Krychek, but decided against it. Which was kind of bad because Krychek karate-chopped him and knocked him out just then.

************************************************************

"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ha."

"What do you want for lunch, Mr. Skinner?" said Scully. They were really close to Atlanta now. They had been singing along to the radio. Except that Scully had just broken his heart and Mulder might be dead, Mr. Skinner was having a really good time.

"How about we go to a diner that I know about on Main Street? I go there when I visit my aunt who lives in Atlanta. She lives at 3457 Peeachtree Street and her name is Mable."

"Sounds good!" said Scully. Mary Sue barked and they laughed at her. Mary Sue barked again and they laughed again. Then Mary Sue barked a third time,and Scully noticed something very strange.

There was another car on the road!!!

What was even weirder was that Krychek was in it which Scully then pointed out to Mr. Skinner.

"Follow that car!" he said loudly. And Scully did.

************************************************************

"Love is blind , as far as the eye can see  
Deep and meaningless , words to me  
Easy lover , I need a friend  
Road to nowhere, twists and turns but will this never end  
Well my dear , you'll know that he pleases me  
But sometimes illusion ain't no revolution  
That ain't no release for me"

Mulder couldn't see anything. This would have worried him a lot if he hadn't been blindfolded. So he was pretty upset but it wasn;t like he was blind or anything. He didn;t liek being tied up either, but what are you going to do?

"This is it, Mulder!" Krychek said nastily. The car stopped. "You're on a road to nowhere, trucking directly into oblivion, my dear Mulder. And there will be no little orange cones to stop me from taking you exactly where I want you to go! Get ready for the big detour in the sky!" And he laughed in a really nasty way before turning off the radio, hitting Mulder again and dragging him out of the car.

************************************************************

"If you want my future forget my past,  
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,  
Now don't go wasting my precious time,  
Get your act together we could be just fine"

Scully turned off the radio because she and Mr. Skinner were going to try and sneak into the building where they had seen Krychek drag the helpless Mulder through the big steel doors that had clanged shut with a big noise that reminded Scully of the last scene of a scary movie. A really scary movie.

"OK," said Mr. SKinner. "Agent Scully, You go in after me. This has to be fast. Since Mulder is not, in fact, dead, we'll go and rescue him."

"Right," said Scully agreably. She took out her gun and said "Are you ready, Mary Sue?"

Mary Sue nodded her dog head.

They opened the car and moved aorund it in a really sneaky way, like three stealth bombers flying through the quiet street. Then, just as they reached the door, Mr. Skinner kicked it in.

*************************************************************

"Too much of something is bad enough  
But something's coming over me to make me wonder  
Too much of nothing is just as tough  
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied"

Just before the door came crashing in and Mr. Skinner and Scully came storming in through the door like a couple of small thunderbolts, Mulder had been thinknig about the song that was playing on the radio in the window in the building next door, which just happened to be what he was hearing as he sat, blindfolded, in a room he couldn't even see.

He thought, "All these years I've been searching for Krychek because I knew I had too, but I have missed Scully so much. Maybe I have been working too hard." He knew that sometimes he had kind of ignored Scully even though he really liked her. He promised hinmself that when this was all over, (if he survived that is) then he would cherish her like the fragile, beautiful flower that she was to him. He would hold her close to him the way he had always dreamed of, finding a way to express his deepest love as he gazed unto her limped eyes and felt her tremble against him like a naked baby bird that falls out of its nest and squeaks a lot.

All of a sudden, Scully and Mr. Skinner came hurtling through the door like two footballs that have been thrown really hard.

"You!!!!!" said Krychek. "And you!!!!"

"That's right!" said Mr. Skinner. "Eat lead!"

"wAIT!" said Scully. She and Mr. Skinner had their guns trained on Krychek so of course he was to scared to move. "This man may have alot of valuable information, Mr. Skinner. For the good of our country, we have to let him live."

"all right." said Mr. Skinner, sadly. "Because I love my country very much I will let him live." Mr. Skinner was really patriotic, just like Mulder and Scully.

"Hah! Sucker!" said Krychek meanly. So Scully clobbered him with her gun.

Meanwhile, Mary Sue was chewing through Mulder's ropes.

"Mulder!"said Scully. She started untying his blindfold.

"Oh, SCULLY!" gasped Mulder. "Is it really you?"

"Of course," she said happily. "What, are you blind, Mulder?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," he said sadly.

*************************************************************

"I wrapped myself from around your finger  
Hold me too tight or left to linger  
Something fine built to last  
Slipped up there I guess we're running out of time too fast"

Scully sat sadly in the little diner around the corner from the building where they had found Mulder and Krychek. She was so sad. She was crying. And as she cried, the jukebox in the corner played.

Somehow, Mulder really HAD gone blind from having the blindfold on him. She didn't mind so much but Mulder seemed to be pretty upset about it. So now she was really upset too, because Mulder said he didn't want to be with her. What was she going to do? And what was Mary Sue going to do? Because Mulder didn't want to be with her either.

And how could she live without Mulder? Should she just kill herself? Well, of course not but she felt like it. After all, she had thought she and Mulder would finally get married, for real this time, not on a train but in a church with her favourite brother Bill giving her away and being so proud. Or maybe Mr. Skinner would like to give her away. He was sad that Scully didn't want to marry him, but he would get over it. So he'd probably like that a lot.

But now none of that was going to happen. And Scully knew she could no more forget Mulder than she could forget her phone number.

****************************************************************

"Back then I didn't know why,  
why you were misunderstood,  
So now I see through your eyes,  
all that you did was love"

Mulder and Skinner were having a talk in the bathroom.

"Look, Agent Mulder. I know you're blind," said Mr. Skinner. "But can't you see that Agent Scully loves you no matter what?"

"I can't see anything, Mr. Skinner. That's the problem." said Mulder sadly. "I can't even see the pocket radio that I happen to be listening to."

"Well, I can see, and I can see that she loves you. And let me tell you, Agent Mulder, that *I* love Agent Scully." said Mr. Skinner.

"Why are you telling me this?" said Mulder curiously.

"Because I want you to see what a great girl Agent Scully really is, Agent Mulder. How you're throwing away the greatest chance of your life like it was some kind of used plastic sandwich bag. I would do ANYTHING to win AGent Scully's hand in marriage, but it's you she loves, Agent Mulder." said Skinner. "Damn!!!!"

"You know, when you put it that way, it does seem pretty dumb of me not to love her back. If she still loves me, I should love her. I should. Thank you, Mr. SKinner, for helping me see. I hope you will be the best man at our wedding." said Mulder.

"I'd like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said SKinner.

***************************************************************

"Silly games that you were playing,  
empty words we both were saying,  
Let's work it out boy, let's work it out boy,  
Any deal that we endeavour,  
Boys and girls feel good together,  
Take it or leave it, take it or leave it  
Are you as good as I remember baby,  
get it on, get it on,  
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one"

"Hi, Scully." said Agent Mulder. Scully looked up at him as stood by her booth.

"Hi." said Scully. "Won't you sit down?" And he did, but very carefully, since he couldn't see.

"Scully, I've been thinking. About us. ABout what I said. And I think...I think..." said Mulder. He dropped his head. "Oh, Scully, let's work it out. Please. Dana Katherine Scully, can we get married?"

"Oh Mulder! Oh, Fox WIlliam Mulder!" said Scully happily. She reached over to grasp his hand. "I don't care if you're blind! I wouldn't even care if you were ugly! I love you always and forever! I want to be your wife!!!"

"Oh Scully!" Mulder said. He looked so happy, like a man who has just been given a hole lot of money, tax-free. Of course he couldn't see how happy he looked. But Scully could.

"Scully, would you like to dance?" Mulder said queryingly.

"Oh, yes!" said Scully. And so they got up and began to dance to the music coming from the jukebox. From across the room, Mr, Skinner and Mary Sue both smiled. Mr. SKinner was sad a little bit, but he was happy too, because he thought being a best man would be very nice. He figured he could get over Agent Scully, especially since he liked Agent Mulder so much. MAybe he could find somebody more his own age. He really liked Agent Scully's Mom, now that he thought of it, and he decided to call her next week.

Mulder was just thinking about how much he would like to see Scully. He could smell her strawberry-scented hair, and could feel the soft silk of her tailored suit as they happily danced. If only he could look down and see her emerald eyes sparkling at him with thier very special sparkle, the one that made him go all tingly inside, like his heart had been struck by a manta ray.

But then, at the *exact* moment he was thinking those thoughts, he realized that he COULD see Scully, and that her eyes really WERE sparkling up at him, and he really was getting that manta ray feeling all over again!!!

"Oh Scully!!!!!" he said excitedly. "I can SEE!!"

"Oh Mulder," she said happily. "Happy Valentine's Day!!!!"

"Candle light and soul forever  
a dream of you and me together,  
Say you believe it, say you believe it,  
Free your mind of doubt and danger,  
be for real don't be a stranger,  
We can achieve it, we can achieve it  
Come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on,  
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one"

THE END!!!


End file.
